I can tell you all right now, anytime your doctor’s nurse calls to tell you that your doctor wants to see you immediately – it isn’t to share good news. You weren’t her 1,000th patient and have won free health insurance for life. For those of you in the medical field – we’re on to you.
So the following Monday from my second mammogram, the one with the big biopsy, my doctor’s nurse called to tell me that she wanted to see me the next day, before the doctor headed out of town. There was no discussion, debate or even options for scheduling. I would be coming in at 3PM the next day. I was already scheduled off – it was the start of my week long vacation for my hunting season.
I told my husband, Brent, matter of factly, they are going to tell me I have cancer. He was like, you don’t know that. But I think even he knew deep down that was what was going to happen. He asked if I still wanted to go hunting, I told him of course – this is my vacation and I’m going to enjoy it. Again, deep down I think I knew my week was going to go to shit fast.
So we got up early, went hunting, saw a few does, no elk, and talked about what was going to happen at the doctor’s office. Again, Brent was trying to lift my spirits , “it’s not going to be cancer”, “she just wants to give you the results before she’s on vacation”. But he did follow-up with, even if it is, we’re going to fight this.
Cancer is a word, not a sentence.John Diamon
So 3PM comes, I go to the doctor and go in alone. The nurse is jovial and talking to me. For a second I started to believe that maybe they aren’t going to tell me I have cancer, maybe Brent was right, they just want to go over the test results before she’s gone, not make me fret for days on end. Then the doctor comes in, and immediately I know its bad. She looks so sad, you can tell this is the worst part of her job, telling someone they have something growing inside them with the sole purpose of killing you. I take in what she tells me, she is honest that this isn’t within her knowledge base and she’s referred me to a different doctor, Dr. Jones, who specializes in breast cancer surgery. She is extremely well liked, she’s only heard positive things about her, whatever they tell me to do I’m going to do it so I can fight this and win. I accept what she tells me and walk out the door with tears in my eyes.
I get in my car, where my husband has been waiting for me. He had asked if he should go in, I told him no – I do better when I can be by myself for these things. It was only going to take a few minutes, and that’s all it took. A few minutes to go from a healthy 45 year old woman who has never even broken a bone or had a surgery to being a “cancer patient”. I cried for half the trip home, and then was pissed off the other half. This was crap, I’m never sick, and this is what I end up with???
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