Countdown

I’m only 4 days away from my surgery and to say I’m anxious is an understatement. But I’m not anxious for the reasons you would think.  What has me most stressed right now is a paranoia that I’m going to get sick and they’ll have to delay the surgery.  I’m typing this as my husband is sitting 4 feet from me sneezing and hacking and I have my sweatshirt pulled up over my mouth and nose.  My hands are raw from washing them so much and I have all but avoided going out in public.  I won’t even sleep in the same bed as my husband because I don’t want his germs.  Whoever said in sickness and in health didn’t imagine these scenarios.  He can keep his sickness to himself for at least 4 more days!

Monday I head to Spokane so the doctor can draw lines on me so he knows where to cut.  If you think it is an urban myth about doctor’s accidentally amputating the wrong leg, I know for a fact that the doctors really do write NO on the side they aren’t supposed to do surgery on.  This occurred during my lumpectomy (they wrote no on the left breast since they were just removing a lump from the right), since everything goes this time he won’t be writing that but he will be giving himself dotted lines to follow along on Tuesday.  I only need to power through this weekend before I pack up and head out.

Under advice of numerous friends I looked in to getting an airbnb for the week.  I have done VRBO but never airbnb and wasn’t sure what to expect.  The hospital had offered us hotel rooms at a discounted medical rate, but even then they were still over $75/night (not including taxes and fees).  I was able to find a nice apartment for Brent to stay at the whole week for only $50/night – the total for a Monday – Sunday stay was under $400. And this way he has an entire house to himself, with kitchen, living room, king bed, grill, etc.  Much more comfortable (and cheaper) than staying in a hotel room for that amount of time. I just hope it is as nice as it looks online.  But if not, I don’t care since I’ll be in the hospital high on Morphine! 🙂

So the big day is coming up and I am just ready for it to be here and over with.  I would be lying if I wasn’t somewhat nervous.  But I am most nervous about it being delayed, the doctor’s telling me they can’t do it for some reason (remember the weird anatomy for my port!), and the drive home.  While at the hospital I’ll be under the care of the nurses and hooked up to a morphine drip, so any pain or issues will be immediately addressed.  I’m worried that 4 hours in the car will be extremely uncomfortable, or cause an issue not predicted.  And then once I’m home will I be able to go to the bathroom okay, sleep alright, move around by myself.  I’m a good hour from the nearest hospital and if something goes awry can I get there in time? A lot of folks have offered to come and stay/help but I don’t want anyone around when I’m at my worst until I can figure out what this new body will mean for me.  I imagine I will be sleeping primarily on the recliner for most of the day – topless with drains coming out of me and bandages and scars.  Not a site I want anyone to see.  Not a site I really want to see. So although I appreciate the offers, I want this time to be about me, worrying about me and not about anyone else. Once I have figured out this new reality, I will embrace the company, the break from Brent (and for Brent), a chance to socialize and see others.  And I’m not sure when this will happen.  A week after I get home? A month? A day? So bear with me as I heal physically, emotionally and psychologically from this next step.

I will be out of touch for awhile, riding the morphine drip as long as they’ll let me.  But once I feel up to it I’ll write again – give folks an idea of at least my experience with surgery and recovery.