Sleeping Beauty

Well another week down and I’m happy to say it was much calmer.  Brent and I headed back up to Spokane to spend a full week because they were able to schedule my chemoport insertion on Tuesday. Which couldn’t come soon enough considering how bruised up my hands and arms were getting from IV insertions.  I was joking I was looking like a 90 year old woman with crepey skinned and bruised hands and arms. So we were able to score the same Airbnb we got the last time and drugged up Xena (she’s gotten to panting on the drive) and headed up Monday.

So Tuesday morning at o’dark thirty we made it to the hospital for my surgery.  I was honest, blunt, transparent with the surgeon, anesthesiologist, nurses about my apprehension on this procedure.  The last time I had one put in, it was truly the most painful of all the procedures.  It might not have been the longest recovery, but it hurt the most.  And, the idiots at St. Joseph Regional Medical Center (SJRMC) didn’t even send me home with any pain pills (fortunately I had some left over from the lumpectomy which I didn’t need – back to that wasn’t painful).  So let me grab my weak ass legs, and get up on my soap box.  Stand up and choose for your medical choices!!! 4 years ago I changed my oncologist from SJRMC, they (Cancer Care Northwest) asked, are you sure? If something happens, you’ll have farther to go.  I said I’m postitive – this was the best decision of my life.  Don’t stay with a doctor or hospital because – “that’s who I’ve always seen”,  “that’s who my parent’s went to”, “they are closest”, “they are good enough”.  This could literally be a life or death decision you are making.  The amount of stress I dealt with dealing with SJRMC vs Sacred Heart and Cancer Care Northwest is a complete 360.  Everything from billing to treatment.  So back to the procedure (I’ll wobble off the soapbox before I fall off).  I told them how much it hurt and how raw my throat and mouth currently is due to the whole brain radiation treatment – that I wasn’t going into this procedure feeling 100% and had a bit of anxiety. The anesthesiologist said well good thing I have a pocket full of margaritas and I think we can get away with no breathing tube.  He gave me a shot in my IV and then I was awake with a port, a headache (margaritas will do that) and hardly any pain – WHAT?!? That’s what you get when you have a great surgeon, a great hospital and great staff.  So we headed back to our Airbnb 5 hours after arriving and I promptly fell asleep – which is the theme for the week.  Between radiation, which has a delayed effect of wearing you out, surgery, chemo, stepping off of steroids which have prevented me from sleeping and just processing this new reality – I am hitting a wall, hard. I honestly haven’t napped since prior to my LAST chemo treatments 4 years ago.  I am now taking solid 3+ hour naps Every. Single. Day.

Wednesday was my quiet day in between procedures and treatment so I ventured out on the big city with Brent. We did breakfast, visited a seed store (dreaming of gardening) and Brent went and wandered around Sportsman’s warehouse while I called in a few symptoms I was having.  I didn’t really want to call them in because I didn’t think they had anything to do with the chemo, but I was trying to follow the directions they sent me.  The nurse called me back and agreed 100% – in all likelihood the half dozen other things I’m currently putting my body through are to blame.  So we went back to the Airbnb and surprise, surprise I took a 3 hour nap.

Wednesday night I did find my heart racing as I prepped myself for treatment the next day.  Would the new drug cause a reaction? Would things go okay? Is my blood work going to allow me to have treatment this week? Is the port going to hurt to access two days after being put in? Ugh – why won’t my mind shut off? An hour later I am glad to say sleeping beauty crashed.

Treatment day!! Eek.  Fingers crossed – we gotta have a good day.  Being an old pro now (one week in, lol), Brent and I swing by a really nice grocery store and grabbed a couple of salads that I can snack on while undergoing treatment (back to it is hours of just sitting there) and head up to my oncologist’s office.  Because Brent is with I of course get in late.  I have 3 appointments, blood draw, meet with my oncologist and infusion treatment.  The blood draw goes well and they pull from a vein 4 vials. I meet with my oncologist and she says everything is looking good and I’m the model patient (well aside from that catastrophe last week – which she didn’t have a choice but to give me that drug because the insurance company wouldn’t approve the more expensive drug until I almost died – seriously insurance companies?!?) and she sends me off to the infusion room.  I find a new chair (last chair wasn’t lucky) and I get settled in.  The nurse comes over says lets try out that port, lays me back, and one poke – I don’t feel anything – and she has access.  Now mind you – with my last port I literally had to do a dance for them to get  blood return, like a one step in, one step out, do the hokey pokey and move it all about.  Nope – better doctor, better hospital, better placement. Yes! Things already are looking up!! And that set the stage for the rest of the day, everything went as it was supposed to.  No reactions, nice and quiet, everything went off without a hitch (other than I was missing nap time). I wasn’t the last one to leave, and we got back to our Airbnb before supper time to let the dog out.  Now because they jack me full of steroids to offset any side effects – chemo night I usually don’t sleep, which is a bummer.  So we went out for dinner and I stayed up surfing the web until 2AM. We got up early the next morning and headed home.  There is a calming effect about home – something about walking in the house is almost like a warm blanket being tossed over me. My eyes just get heavy and I feel so very tired. So a 4 hour nap later I was back in my recliner watching some TV.

So here I sit – 2 weeks of treatment now under my belt. I am going to figure out how to start returning to work, realizing it will be baby steps at first as I will still have scans, weekly treatment, adjustment periods and likely some hiccups along the way.  But taking a line from The Life of Brian (Monty Python) “I’m not dead yet” and I have no plan to be that in my near future.  I’m still giving myself 30 minutes a day to have a breakdown – it sneaks up on me sometimes and it doesn’t happen everyday, but I allow it to happen when it happens. There is no shame in letting this piss me off or overwhelm me – this was not in my plans but I am nothing but adaptable and my support system is out of this world – Elon Musk, eat my dust.