Styling

So another week, another blog.  Made it through my treatment last Thursday with nary a hitch.  I brought up to my oncologist that the day after treatment I’m very flushed, face looks sunburnt and is hot to the touch.  This had happened to me during my first round of chemo 4+ years ago.  If you are all wondering why I switched cancer centers, the first time I brought it up they told me to just go soak my face in the cold river (really?).  Then they were like, the pharmacist thinks it’s a reaction to this drug so we’ll just give it you slower.  This time, I bring it up and without hesitation both the nurse and my doctor say – it’s the steroids, really common reaction from people.  Well that makes sense since I am on different chemo drugs this go round but having the same reaction.  Then my doctor states, you are a high risk patient so I’m not backing off on the steroids we give you prior to treatment, because you’d be my one patient that has a reaction to the Abraxene (a relatively “mild” chemo drug) and the side effects of the steroid treatment is short lived and tolerable.  Thanks doc – glad you have such confidence in me, wasn’t I just a month ago your star patient?  But it is tolerable, I brought it up because they tell you to inform your doctor of everything that you have problems with.  And this usually kicks in the following morning and is done by that night.  So in other words, nothing new or exciting happened at treatment this week – well other than the extremely low blood pressure (100/69?) they told me to drink more water and eat more protein, that is something I can tackle.

Brent drove me this time and we spent the night in Spokane, makes it easier on me but I know it makes for a long couple of days for Brent.  But we were able to go out to eat and for the first time in over 4 months – I could eat a more diverse menu.  I settled on a gyro (with a pita) and it was amazing!!! I had been craving it for over a month, so happy it went down okay (I could only eat like half of it, but still better than none).  That did put me in a good mood for the evening, but by the next day I was owley again.  Not sure if it is the steroids but I’m thinking that after 6 months of being on this rollercoaster, I came to my allotted 5% I leave to me for a breakdown.  I think this happened because I am watching everyone take vacations, go on fire assignments, hike through the woods looking for mushrooms/huckleberries, participating in golfing or river floating.  Whereas I am stuck at home with a sore back, lightheadedness, and leaving town only to go to doctor appointments.  I’m not mad at anyone doing everything above – I just miss it and had a bit of a pity party for myself.  But I pulled myself out and realized that I might not be able to do those things today – but I am angling towards being able to do them.  And since I can’t participate now, I know I will appreciate it all that much more when I can.  But right now I need to stay focused on the stuff going in my brain and put my positive energy towards having a good response so that I’ll be around to participate in all those fun activities. Stress and pushing myself too hard won’t help for something that I know I’ll be able to do again. Patience my grasshopper.

So there is one change in my “condition”.  My hair is growing back, but it is growing back in a Tonsure style (don’t know what that means, well be prepared to learn something) – that is the style the monks had their hair.  Bald on top with a ring of hair.  So the only place really growing significant amount of hair is above the ears and a ducktail in back.  I actually shaved my head to even everything up thinking maybe the stuff on top is just growing slower?  The hair I shaved off looked like I had shaved a grey baby bunny. Fluffy and all grey! The hair on my head, after the first shave, appears to be growing in a similar fashion.  So I might have to consider a comb over for a future hairstyle or joining a monastery.  And once again, as my friend is so nice to point out – you can’t win for losing!

Thanks for reading this – it helps me process everything going on and keep so many people informed without overwhelming me.