The bright side of cancer

Guess you never thought this would be a title to my blog.  But after discussing this with my dad, I realized there are positives and brightness to cancer. Still, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but since I have it, and I don’t see an end to this journey for a while, I might as well reflect on the positives that have come with being diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer.

Who would’ve thought I have a beautiful bald head? Not me, but after my diagnosis and first treatment of chemo, I gave up on having hair and shaved it off. Had a head shaving party – what a blast that was. So even in darkness I had reasons to celebrate. My friends came to join in, and all took a snip off before my husband stepped in and finished the job (since he already shaves his head, he was a pro at it). My friends, family and doctor kept gushing over how beautiful my bald head was. In addition to having no hair to wash, cut and style, I had no hair ANYWHERE. This meant no shaving, no nicks, no waxing and showers took a short time (other than me soaking up the heat). And when summertime came, I had no prep work to do before shorts, tank tops and swimsuits came out.

Another ray of sunshine that broke through the dark clouds that had gathered overhead, was prioritization. Prioritization of what? Me, my family, friends, goals and where my time was most spent. Cancer allowed me to apply for disability retirement, and I can’t say enough about being offered that opportunity. The timing of my retirement came just as my father-in-law was saying goodbye to this life and moving on to the next, just before the administration change that upended a lot of staff and security, and just as mom was starting her downhill decline. I was able to spend more time with family than I probably had in years. No need to worry about leave balances, pending deadlines, and being too wiped out to enjoy much of anything. Retirement gave me a chance to finally take a girl’s trip to a place I had never been before, Savannah, GA. What a great trip with great ladies. Saw my first ever spring training game in Florida as the Minnesota Twins spend the spring down there. My love of travel was able to have an out, rather than traveling just for meetings or medical, I was traveling for myself.  Headed the opposite direction to do some Alaska fishing with Brent and good friends. What a great time that was. Although my strength and stamina weren’t what it was when I was 25, I made it work and had a blast. I travelled to Leavenworth, Washington to meet up with a friend, ate too much and enjoyed a beautiful afternoon of wine tasting, I also made several trips back home. I still have trips stacked up for the next few months.

The biggest prioritization was my health and my recovery. And boy did I focus hard on both of those. Used my small amount of leave cashout to purchase a high-end rowing machine, got back into walking daily with the dog, helped out as much as my back would allow in the garden. In fact, just tonight I had my first ever, my own home grown brussel sprouts. Yum. The garden also produced cabbage which after a few failed attempts I was successful at making sauerkraut, and lots of tomatoes, onions and peppers which went to making various different styles of salsa. I’m already dreaming about next year’s garden.

Being able to spend more time in recovery mode, rather than trying to do it all, I saw an uptick in my strength, happiness, and overall improvement of health. I focused on losing weight, exercising, and getting outside to do what I enjoy so much and what was a leading factor of going into the field of wildlife biology.

All of the above are the positives that broke through the dreariness of a cancer diagnosis. Each of us will have different views on the positives, but I discovered that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. and that the strength of my team (family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, medical staff, community members) was greater than I could have ever envisioned. I have found peace where I’m at as well as happiness. I take more time literally smelling the flowers, enjoying the beauty around me, and realizing life is for living. Everyone is terminal, just some might know that the end date is nearer than planned and spiral into depression. If you find yourself on that path, reach out for help, from the doctors, your family, your support network. Others just don’t care and are embracing every minute they have. I like to think I fall into the second category, and to keep repeating myself – it’s because of all of you reading this right now. You give me purpose, happiness and support that I never asked for but came to me regardless.

So let the positives seep in and tamp down the negatives.

Finally, a big thanks to all that have read and purchased my book. I have already been encouraged to write a second one, but don’t expect to see that until end of spring at least. Until my next post, I hope everyone has a happy and thankful Thanksgiving. I know I have a lot to be thankful for.